In October 2015 John decided we would get a divorce. Back then I wrote that… while it seemed so dark, I trusted in a year it would all make sense. Maybe what I meant to say was in a year I’d be in a happy, loving, relationship. All I know is it is more than two years past and I’m not in a happy, loving, relationship. It is more than two years past and not a lot makes sense.
I want to understand things which I may never understand.
“Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
Give me physical pain and ailment over emotional any day. Cancer has a treatment plan. Divorce, especially when it was initiated and brokered unilaterally against your will, can be a chronic ailment.
Did you know that St. Valentine was a war resister who, before being executed, healed the blind daughter of his captor.
Turns out Valentine’s Day really IS about love, a very radical love.
Today witnessed the most people killed on a high school in a mass shooting. Heck….kind of puts things in perspective. May people come together in radical love to comfort the afflicted, heal the wounded, and combat the sin of separation which fuels these ending of truly innocent lives.
Ash Wednesday…today I start a Lent study. From today’s reading:
“Remember finally, that the ashes on your forehead are created from the burnt palms of last Palm Sunday. New beginnings invariably come from old false things that are allowed to die.” – Richard Rohr in “Wonderous Encounters”.
Perhaps in a year everything will make sense. In the mean time I will move forward with gratitude for my sons, for my home, for my job I love, for the friends upon whom I rely. I wake up every morning saying, “I love you God.” I go to sleep knowing that God cradles me. I am a wretched mess, you have no idea. But maybe in a year….it …will…. all….make…sense.