Divorce Recovery is a thread woven throughout my writing.
Recovering from divorce is my goal.
My unique recovery path is like a sturdy rope being torn apart thread by thread.
I don’t know how many threads are left intact.
Today I am sad. I knew it was coming this week. Another thread will be severed soon.
I was walking through the backyard of what was once our family home.
There is a lot of fruit bearing in that back yard.
My opportunities to walk in that back yard are scarce.
My divorce is both a release
and a falling.
This crap is not for the faint hearted.
And, what is for the faint hearted?
My crap is but one scenario in a universe of lots of crap, a universe (why is it not “an universe”?) of fire and death and disease and conflict and fear.
Though I think otherwise, I am not alone.
And crap is fertilizer for fruit bearing plants.
When John and I first spoke of our divorce we agreed we would go forward and make the most of the situation. In the eyes of many (especially in the eyes of the church) we failed. Yet we were determined to succeed at going through this divorce in a way that could serve as a positive example.
Still, today I looked at him and said I didn’t care if he died. I hang my head low in shame, yes, I said that. Fail, repent, move forward, ….
I want to love, even when I am not loved. I want to love without fearing there is not enough love in the universe. I want to love. I want to love.
Many years ago John and I purchased competing hydrangeas. I bought mine from a nursery. John bought his from the grocery store. I set out to prove the extra cost was worthy, John set out to prove me wrong.
One day I looked at the two plants, side by side, and realized you could not tell where one began and the other ended. It seemed a happy omen on our marriage. I took a picture and wrote a card to John and noted that the two side by side hydrangeas looked like one plant. I pointed out the metaphor to our marriage.
Here are the plants today.
Symbolic as ever.
I want to bear fruit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.