Divorce Recovery

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Divorce Recovery is a thread woven throughout my writing.

Recovering from divorce is my goal.

My unique recovery path is like a sturdy rope being torn apart thread by thread.

I don’t know how many threads are left intact.

*******

Today I am sad.  I knew it was coming this week.  Another thread will be severed soon.

I was walking through the backyard of what was once our family home.

There is a lot of fruit bearing in that back yard.

My opportunities to walk in that back yard are scarce.

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My divorce is both a release

freedom

and a falling.

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This crap is not for the faint hearted.

And, what is for the faint hearted?

My crap is but one scenario in a universe of lots of crap, a universe (why is it not “an universe”?) of fire and death and disease and conflict and fear.

Though I think otherwise, I am not alone.

And crap is fertilizer for fruit bearing plants.

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When John and I first spoke of our divorce we agreed we would go forward and make the most of the situation.  In the eyes of many (especially in the eyes of the church) we failed.  Yet we were determined to succeed at going through this divorce in a way that could serve as a positive example.

Still, today I looked at him and said I didn’t care if he died.  I hang my head low in shame, yes, I said that.  Fail, repent, move forward, ….

I want to love, even when I am not loved.  I want to love without fearing there is not enough love in the universe.  I want to love.  I want to love.

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The Hydrangeas

Many years ago John and I purchased competing hydrangeas.  I bought mine from a nursery.  John bought his from the grocery store.  I set out to prove the extra cost was worthy,  John set out to prove me wrong.

One day I looked at the two plants, side by side, and realized you could not tell where one began and the other ended.  It seemed a happy omen on our marriage. I took a picture and wrote a card to John and noted that the two side by side hydrangeas looked like one plant.  I pointed out the metaphor to our marriage.

Here are the plants today.

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Symbolic as ever.

I want to bear fruit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Amen.

2 thoughts on “Divorce Recovery

  1. A very powerful one, again. Thanks for sharing your highs and lows. Your prayer at the end is my prayer too – for you and for me. Love to you, friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are so strong and vulnerable to be so open about what is going on with you, John, and your feelings. Thank you so much, Maria! Change sucks. Not a nice way to put things, but it is true. The Bible tells us that all things change… except God who is the same today, tomorrow, and forever. That is a beautiful statement and belief system…but it does not seem strong enough to hold the incredible pain we experience when real, deep change happens to us. It is, however, far more than strong enough. We just have to let it carry and hold us. Center ourselves, Center our prayer. God and Jesus are more than enough…if we can only let go and embrace that reality. And FEEL it. God bless you, Precious Friend!
    LOVE you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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