Game of Thrones

 “Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you.” – Tryion Lannister – Game of Thrones

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I have NOT watched a single second of Game of Thrones.  That quote is something Cory put on the “out” door of Mi Casa.  Every time I leave Mi Casa for the world, I see that quote.  I didn’t understand the quote, but I left it on my door.  I left it on my door because Cory has known me and cared for me for most of my life.  And…I left it up, because I’m lazy.

I am also an extreme rule follower.  One of the threads on this blog is “Rule Follower”.  I have not developed this thread enough – though it is an essential part of bearing fruit.  I had an incident the other night, of which Cory was the recipient of my post-incident rant.  After lovingly laughing hysterically at me, he suggested I write about it on this blog.

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About 32 years ago I was walking down the hallway of Madera High School mad at the world.  My entire Trigonometry class had ditched class to get pizza.  I did not ditch class.  My teacher rolled his eyes at me when I walked into the empty classroom.  I think he was annoyed that he would have to stay in class for me.  He told me to go to the library.

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I was at a gathering where I again felt like the oddball, do-gooder, party-pooper, rule follower.  I think Cory wants me to tell you the whole story.  Out of respect for the people at that gathering I’m not going to tell the story.  It was a four hour gathering during which I did not drink alcohol, nor did I gossip, nor was I willing to fake enthusiasm for an idea I thought was wrong.  

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“Know who are you.” – Larry Mar

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When I am in social situations I often feel uncomfortable because I feel like people see me as the oddball, do-gooder, party-pooper, rule follower.  I feel like they either treat me like a little child or they assume I am judging them.  (at that gathering one person put her hands over my ears while she discussed something as if to either protect my delicate ears or as if to keep me from hearing something I might judge).  I hate feeling this way.  Yes, I am a rule follower, but I don’t judge people.  I don’t need protecting……..or….do….I????

Did I leave that gathering with my tender heart disturbed?  Did I leave that gathering judging those people as ridiculous?  Do I wish my ears had been sealed and protected from hearing what I heard?

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I need to check myself.  I have been pondering the motivation for my strict adherence to the rules.

The story is that I earned my divorce because I did not follow the rules.

The beauty of the Christian Gospel is that grace is God’s love and forgiveness given to the undeserving.

It is AFTER we fail to follow the rules that we understand grace.

Am I a rule follower because I think it is going to earn me something?  Respect, admiration, affection, heaven?  Or am I a rule follower knowing I may lose these very things if I keep following the rules?  Am I a rule follower because I (as the yearbook page said) “am striving for perfection”?

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Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you.” – Tryion Lannister – Game of Thrones

“Know who are you.” – Larry Mar

We cannot be all things to all people.  Sometimes I want to deny who I am.  When I feel awkward in a gathering I want to deny who I am.

“Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you.”…. “Know who you are.”

Perhaps if I repeat these things enough to myself I will someday overcome the discomfort of feeling like the odd person at the gathering.  Or perhaps some day I will know that I am the odd person and I will wear it like armour.

Because this is who I am:

  • I’m a seeker of God, lover of Christ, indwelt with the Holy Spirit
  • I’m a mother and lover of many
  • I’m one who will almost always stand beside and for the rejected
  • I’m forging forward into a minefield of hurt, unwilling to pacify the senses
  • I’m a speaker of truth with an inner voice which is always convicting me
  • I’m gonna follow the rules of the games and circumstances of which I am a part

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This entry dedicated to Cory – “You’re the meaning in my life, you’re the inspiration.” – Chicago