Joy

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Galatians 5…

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

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Disclaimer:  this entry is a scattered mess of confusing thoughtsDisgust, Joy, Fear, Sadness & Anger

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Today (Tuesday) I focused on joy.

Today was not easily joyful.

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I woke up and realized a big part of my indescribable morning feeling is fear.

Sometimes I find myself mindlessly, without premeditation or intention, speaking to God.  Very often I catch myself saying, “I love you God, I love you God.  I love you.”  Lately I have found myself in the late night saying, “I’m scared God.”

I don’t know exactly what I am scared of, but “I’m scared.”

So this morning (Tuesday) when I woke up with that indescribable feeling, I sensed that that feeling was related to “I’m scared”.

Isaiah 41:10 – NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

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“Fear not”

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Today (Tuesday) I was preoccupied with a frustrating situation.

Issues related to my entry “Game of Thrones” came up today.  In that entry I wrote this….

“I was at a gathering where I again felt like the oddball, do-gooder, party-pooper, rule follower.”

Some early morning emails and texts related to that gathering frustrated me this morning.  I ended by being very NOT joyful.  I ended up hashing some of the yuck out with unsuspecting friends.  I was complaining and getting agitated.  I was not full of joy.

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It is now Thursday.  Tuesday did NOT get much better.  I attempted to focus on joy, butJoy (Inside Out)/Gallery - Disney Wiki

Proverbs 13:19 – The Message

Souls who follow their hearts thrive;
    fools bent on evil despise matters of soul.

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It is now Friday.

I want to synthesize all of the stuff of the last two weeks.

Last week:  Question, should I be married again or not?

Restarted the book “Boundaries in Dating” which my counselor (Charlene) recommended two years ago.  It reminded me of this…1 Corinthians 7:

32-35 I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

Talked with Charlene.  She reminded me that longing for partnership (in my case a male spouse) is something that God knows we need.  All was good AND Adam still needed a companion.

Restarted reading “Desire:  The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers” by John Eldredge.  Charlene had recommended his book “The Sacred Romance:  Drawing Closer to the Heart of God” a couple of years ago. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that book and “Desire” was my follow up reading.

“Desire” ……………. it informs me.

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The point………. Longing is a sign of desire.  I have been praying “God, may my desires be Your desires” for months now.  Some desires are going away.  Some remain.

Desire is good.  It motivates.  It gives us what we need to persist.  I am a passionate person.

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This just happened….my new kitten – Rainbow – she wants to be with Gray most every moment.  There was one place Gray could go that she could not reach…the widow sill in my bedroom.  She tried and failed.  She clawed at the curtain, bumped against the wall, and made quite the fool of herself.  This morning, as I sit in my bed writing, I see her looking at the spot.  She just took a long running leap…and SHE DID IT!!

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Joy – one version – when the longing of your heart, the desire, is met, after everything has told you it is not possible, and yet you persist and hope and love and wait, and when it arrives every cell in your body knows that trusting and obeying and humbling and crying and waiting and waiting and loving and all of it was worth it.  Joy, knowing that God knows the longing of your heart and in time, with prayer, all things good will be revealed and realized.  Hope.

(Oops…she just tried again to get on the sill and fell FLAT on her face…even when we get the object of our desire, it doesn’t assure that we will keep it.)

For the fruit of the spirit is joy.

Galatians 5…

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

God’s instruction is so simple and so hard…..love.